I think if you are going to engage in an activity that you should be honest with yourself about what it is exactly that you are doing. When you are playing poker with people, you should be aware of who you are playing with and what you are doing. For a while I was going to this game where I was positive I was going to the game specifically to take money from people involved in illegal activities and from gambling addicts. The other players in the game were poker professionals. The money from the illegal activities was bookmaking, so really I was taking money indirectly from some gambling addicts as well. So what does that make me? A good guy. I am spending my time sitting around with a bunch of criminals taking money off of people with afflictions who cannot afford to be losing the money. I think, if you want to be perfectly honest with yourself, that you can classify yourself as sort of a scumbag at that point.
Now, did I feel bad about it? No. The money was going to be lost by the gambling addicts to someone, and if it wasn't me, it was going to be the other poker professionals or the criminals. And of all the people there, I felt I was the most moral and the nicest person there. In fact I had a shining reputation for being the nicest person in the few games I went to, which got me invitations to more games. If that money were to leave that circle of people, it would do the most good leaving the game to me. If it went to the gambling addicts, they would just lose it to the rest of those guys. But in terms of how, if you were to zoom the camera out of that one room, zoom out, out and then categorize society into different groups, I would likely be grouped? I'd be grouped with the scumbags. The criminals. Seedy people. Drug addicts. People preying off of weaknesses of others. Because that is exactly how I was spending my time and exactly how I was making my living.
I did not feel bad about that because I view poker like being a Samurai swordsman in Japan. Inherently, their job was to kill people. And they did not care if the person hiring them had a good reason to kill the person or not, they just did what they were told. They cared only about following their internal code of ethics and to hone their craft at killing people. I have my own internal code of ethics regarding playing poker. One of my rules is to shield new people from the game because I see what the game does to people. I also feel as if each poker hand is a mini lesson of life. When you have a playable hand you have anticipation, you are given information, you have to make complex decisions, you have to learn about yourself, learn your emotions and become at peace with yourself, learn your demons and get rid of them. You have to learn to deal with major disappointment, with long periods of loss, with fear. You have to learn to keep your ego in line, to be humble. You have to learn to concentrate and pay attention. I think you can really work on yourself when you are playing poker if you look at it the right way and so, even though I think the game itself is not one I would want my friends and family to get involved with, I personally derive a great amount of pleasure and enjoyment from playing the game. I grow as a person and understand a lot about myself. Krishnamurti said that you should find the thing you are supposed to do in life and do that, and it is very obvious to me that poker, for now, is that thing for me because I have grown immensely while playing this stupid game. It is just that, unfortunately, the game itself is an extremely selfish extremely self-serving game. I recognize it for what it is and I accept it and don't make it out to be anything other than it is.
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Date: 2006-02-28 19:54 (UTC)Now, did I feel bad about it? No. The money was going to be lost by the gambling addicts to someone, and if it wasn't me, it was going to be the other poker professionals or the criminals. And of all the people there, I felt I was the most moral and the nicest person there. In fact I had a shining reputation for being the nicest person in the few games I went to, which got me invitations to more games. If that money were to leave that circle of people, it would do the most good leaving the game to me. If it went to the gambling addicts, they would just lose it to the rest of those guys. But in terms of how, if you were to zoom the camera out of that one room, zoom out, out and then categorize society into different groups, I would likely be grouped? I'd be grouped with the scumbags. The criminals. Seedy people. Drug addicts. People preying off of weaknesses of others. Because that is exactly how I was spending my time and exactly how I was making my living.
I did not feel bad about that because I view poker like being a Samurai swordsman in Japan. Inherently, their job was to kill people. And they did not care if the person hiring them had a good reason to kill the person or not, they just did what they were told. They cared only about following their internal code of ethics and to hone their craft at killing people. I have my own internal code of ethics regarding playing poker. One of my rules is to shield new people from the game because I see what the game does to people. I also feel as if each poker hand is a mini lesson of life. When you have a playable hand you have anticipation, you are given information, you have to make complex decisions, you have to learn about yourself, learn your emotions and become at peace with yourself, learn your demons and get rid of them. You have to learn to deal with major disappointment, with long periods of loss, with fear. You have to learn to keep your ego in line, to be humble. You have to learn to concentrate and pay attention. I think you can really work on yourself when you are playing poker if you look at it the right way and so, even though I think the game itself is not one I would want my friends and family to get involved with, I personally derive a great amount of pleasure and enjoyment from playing the game. I grow as a person and understand a lot about myself. Krishnamurti said that you should find the thing you are supposed to do in life and do that, and it is very obvious to me that poker, for now, is that thing for me because I have grown immensely while playing this stupid game. It is just that, unfortunately, the game itself is an extremely selfish extremely self-serving game. I recognize it for what it is and I accept it and don't make it out to be anything other than it is.